I'm not sure if i want someone to love me or not. I feel like a giant disappointment to people and I just can't stand to let one more person down. It's bad enough that I let myself down so often. But seriously, please someone tell me what good I am to a person? I don't fit anywhere. I don't fit into anyones world. I never have and I don't think I ever will. I just don't feel like I belong. And this is not out of depression, and yes I have been off of my pills for a week or two. But i'm not suicidal. I'm just starting to feel like I don't belong anywhere. Maybe at work with the dogs. I belong there. Or on a beach. Or at a farm. But other than that, it just doesn't feel right. Like i'm a mutt placed in a room with purebred dogs. You can dress me up and pretend that i'm grand and glorious and beautiful and that I belong there. You can prance me around in nice things, but its just a sad fact that I'm just a mutt and everyone else is a purebred. This is how I feel in Carlos's world. How horrible is that? I feel like an ugly mutt in his beautiful purebred world. I don't belong. I feel like I'm just not the right person for his life. I look at him, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend and they've got it all together. They make perfection and class look easy. Like they roll out of bed and are amazing. Some people just walk in the light I guess. I on the other hand roll out of bed and have to go to work. Maybe it's better if I don't get too attached to people. Why can't I just accept myself? I guess I really feel like an ugly mutt in a purebred world. 718 days till graduation. Yes I understand that that is very sad and pathetic. But it's all I seem to have right now. I should just leave this place right now, and go and find where I belong. I've never truly belonged here. At least that's how I feel.
"Don't close your eyes, this is your life, are you who you want to be?"
1 comment:
Good for people to know.
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