Sunday, September 30, 2007
????
They can't be who I want them to be. Confusion is setting in. Why do things have to be this way, I guess since it's nighttime my thoughts are clouded and not well put together. Hopefully things will begin to clear up once the sun comes out. I wish I had someone to talk to that could understand the way I think, but I don't think anyone does. I don't even think I understand the way I think. I just want one person, to look at me and see what I feel. Just one person that can see through the facade that I hide all of my problems and worries behind. Just one person who I know I can always trust and call when i'm not well. Just one person who can see me for who I am and say that i'm perfect in all of my imperfections. And they won't try to change me from what I am, because I am who I am. I only want them to understand and appreciate what they have in me. I know I'm not perfect, but I love myself. At least I think I do. You get told what is wrong with you so many times that you begin to believe it, and you can no longer cry when it hurts, because it's the same old story every time, with the same ending. So what's the use in crying, it doesn't solve anything, and I already know how the story begins and how it ends. There's no point in trying to change it, its all part of the cycle. Maybe someday I can break the cycle, just long enough to free myself from it. God one can only hope. I need a guardian angel. Anyone up for the job????
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2 comments:
i hope you do love yourself. there is never anything wrong with you, it's other people. trust your heart and intuition, you're always right.
if someone doesn't like it, fuck them.
you're always better.
Even though we don't know each other well, trust me I've shared these feelings...not being understood? I feel like that like 50-75% of the time...and it sucks, especially when you are counting on your friends and it feels like they don't even know who you are. But everything isn't bad you know, like you said sometimes you dont even understand your way of thinking...that happens to me as well, and it is good to analyze this, your way of thinking. You will learn much about yourself, which is very important. And congrants on the engagement by the way. Maybe God did hear your prayer, and Josh is the guardian angel you have been waiting for.
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