"She moves it like this when you move it like that"

Finally when things are getting into a good pattern.  I have a good breakfast routine on mondays and thursdays.  I like my breakfast conversations with my breakfast crew.  But good things don't last forever.  And i'm not talking about my breakfast crew.  I'm just talking about my life in general.  Maybe if I was better looking things would turn out better.  I don't know what to do.  The only thing that I know how to do these days, is to shut down and not speak to anyone.  All I really really really want to do is just curl up in my bed and sleep for awhile.  But alas it's finals time and I have to do a ridiculous amount of work.  My major has so much more work than most other majors.  The only other two majors that give mine a run for it's money is Graphic Design and Fashion Design.  I hate how english majors, or nursing majors, or business majors just get to write a few papers and take a few exams.  Then you get to interior design majors and what we have to do for our finals is this: Art history - write a paper then take an exam; Architectural Graphics - trace a perspective onto marker paper and watercolor paper, then do another final project that will take me a few days and many sleepless nights to finish; Interior design - Do a floorplan of main level and basement level, then do a reflected ceiling and electrical plan for both, then do elevations of every single wall in the house which is about 20, then do a programming document which will add to my sleepless nights; Textiles - Gather samples from every known fabric and put them in a book with their name and characteristics and def of each, make the book organized and pretty then turn in and hope to god it's good, then take an exam which would make any strong man cry with how hard and ridiculous it is. Then I just have a geology exam.  But what do other majors get? Oh they get to write a paper and do a powerpoint presentation, then take an exam online and turn it in that way.  Other than that they get to go out and do whatever the hell they want.  I can feel my body shutting down and yet I can't stop for anything.  I just have to keep moving so I can get out.  I wish I could just get on a train and go anywhere.  I'm so close to just doing that.  Start fresh somewhere else.  That would be nice, live a simple life somewhere warm.

"Push the peddle down, headin out of town, gotta make a getaway. The traffic in my brain's driving me insane, this is more that I can take..."

Here we go again.  I feel like I've been here before, and it wasn't all that long ago.  When will I never have to return to this place?  I hope it's someday soon, I don't know how much more of the backseat I can take.  I guess this is the way it has to be.

Such a strange image

"What price for those diamonds? asks the new poster and postcard campaign launched by Amnesty International France, linking the arms trade with human rights abuses in the trade in natural resources."

Puppies = my anti-drug

Caption Reads: Bear Bears Demise

teardrops

I'm going crazy and I don't know how to stop it. hmmmm.

"Promise me you'll never go away..."

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly..."

My stress level has jumped due to recent events.  It just so happens that it's gotten bad enough that my hair is starting to fall out at a more rapid pace.  That doesn't usually happen unless i'm stressed out beyond all recognition.  I just need to finish this textiles book, it's kicking my arse.  I just want to get a good grade on it, and I don't even know where to begin with working on it.  I need to collect more fabric and such.  Then other events have obtained much of my attention.  I can't seem to shake the thoughts.  I couldn't focus on my excursion this afternoon, because i had all of these thoughts of losing my boyfriend.  They consumed my thought process to the point of no return.  I need to relax.  Somehow.

I'm sure it could have gotten worse

I'm sure today could have gotten worse.  But I won't go into detail.  Lets just say it was bad and I would like to not have another day like this again.

"Am I too lost to be saved, am I too lost...."

I must have it out for myself tonight.  I must say i've reached one of my all time lows.  I must have some desire to lead myself to my own demise.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  Here comes the recklessness.  I have to try and control myself now, I can't keep doing this. I have to learn to control it and not become this way.