Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides
In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe
Passion chokes the flower
'til she cries no more
possessing all the beauty
hungry still for more
Heaven holds a sense of wonder...
I can't help this longing
comfort me
I can't hold it all in
if you won't let me
Heaven holds a sense of wonder...
In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe
I have seen you
in this white wave
you are silent
you are breathing
in this white wave
I am free
Friday, November 30, 2007
The Ultimate Question
Everything becomes more complicated when hearts are involved. Sometimes I wish i could just put a wall around my heart and never let it down. I wish I could be one of those people that never let their guard down and whatever they're feeling or thinking is hidden. They never show emotion. I wish I could be that person for one day. Or at least meet someone like that and ask them how they do it. Instead I have a bleeding heart, and I wear it on my sleeve.
"You were given this life, because you are strong enough to live it"
What if your life was mapped out before you were even born, and you were chosen from billions of souls or something to lead that life because you showed that you were stronger to lead that specific life with those specific problems and obstacles. You were chosen for that specific life, instead of the soul next to you, because they might not be strong enough to deal with it? I wonder if that's why people commit suicide, because there was a mistake along the way and they were set into this specific life that they weren't strong enough for, so they ended it. I have always felt that when people die of say a car accident, or something not intentional, that their alotted time on Earth is up. That they have lived the life that was set out for them. What if each life was like a movie, and it is a certain amount of time and then there is an ending, maybe a tragic one, or a happy ending. I'm getting very philisophical and I love it. But what if that was how it worked, we are actors chosen by God because we are perfect for the role that is our life? And we do what God tells us and how God tells us to do it, because we are the actors in his play or movie. I'm not complaining at all, I feel that he guides a person and ultimately wants the best for that person. Or what if the people that somehow disobey what Gods wishes are, and it ultimately leads to their demisal, what if they were killed or died of something horrible at a young age, because they did not listen to God, and therefore they had to be removed from Earth. They were bad actors and they were fired, and since you can't just replace the actor in the specific life, that life/movie ends and does not continue. I wonder if when you die and go to heaven or hell, you get to watch your life like a movie. You get to sit on the couch and watch your life from beginning to end and look back on what happened and why they happened. I would love to write a book about this stuff. It's borderline philosophical and religious. The ultimate question of if there is a God, or everything that I am saying and thinking is just a load of crap. But I truely believe that is how it works. And that any decision that you make is the one God made for you because He wants the best for you. I trust everything in God, why would he want to lead me to my demisal, unless I was doing horrible things. Wow I should quit while I'm ahead, lol. I guess I could pick this up later. Goodnight all.
"You were given this life, because you are strong enough to live it"
What if your life was mapped out before you were even born, and you were chosen from billions of souls or something to lead that life because you showed that you were stronger to lead that specific life with those specific problems and obstacles. You were chosen for that specific life, instead of the soul next to you, because they might not be strong enough to deal with it? I wonder if that's why people commit suicide, because there was a mistake along the way and they were set into this specific life that they weren't strong enough for, so they ended it. I have always felt that when people die of say a car accident, or something not intentional, that their alotted time on Earth is up. That they have lived the life that was set out for them. What if each life was like a movie, and it is a certain amount of time and then there is an ending, maybe a tragic one, or a happy ending. I'm getting very philisophical and I love it. But what if that was how it worked, we are actors chosen by God because we are perfect for the role that is our life? And we do what God tells us and how God tells us to do it, because we are the actors in his play or movie. I'm not complaining at all, I feel that he guides a person and ultimately wants the best for that person. Or what if the people that somehow disobey what Gods wishes are, and it ultimately leads to their demisal, what if they were killed or died of something horrible at a young age, because they did not listen to God, and therefore they had to be removed from Earth. They were bad actors and they were fired, and since you can't just replace the actor in the specific life, that life/movie ends and does not continue. I wonder if when you die and go to heaven or hell, you get to watch your life like a movie. You get to sit on the couch and watch your life from beginning to end and look back on what happened and why they happened. I would love to write a book about this stuff. It's borderline philosophical and religious. The ultimate question of if there is a God, or everything that I am saying and thinking is just a load of crap. But I truely believe that is how it works. And that any decision that you make is the one God made for you because He wants the best for you. I trust everything in God, why would he want to lead me to my demisal, unless I was doing horrible things. Wow I should quit while I'm ahead, lol. I guess I could pick this up later. Goodnight all.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Quote time
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, Listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left"
~Marilyn Monroe
"Your only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix, and the friends you roll with."
"Love the life you live, live the life you love"
~Bob Marley
"And now these three remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
~1 Corinthians
"Do one thing everyday that makes you happy"
"We may not remember the tests that we almost failed, but we will never forget the people we were with on the nights we didn't study."
"The only thing a girl should chase, is her vodka"
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"
"Duct tape is like the force.. It has a light side...and a dark side... and it holds the world together"
"Be loved but never love. Attach but never combine. Trip but never fall. To be broken is better than shattered. Tell him of your strength, but never your past. Be trustworthy but never trust. Be cracked but never open"
~Marilyn Monroe
"Your only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix, and the friends you roll with."
"Love the life you live, live the life you love"
~Bob Marley
"And now these three remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
~1 Corinthians
"Do one thing everyday that makes you happy"
"We may not remember the tests that we almost failed, but we will never forget the people we were with on the nights we didn't study."
"The only thing a girl should chase, is her vodka"
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"
"Duct tape is like the force.. It has a light side...and a dark side... and it holds the world together"
"Be loved but never love. Attach but never combine. Trip but never fall. To be broken is better than shattered. Tell him of your strength, but never your past. Be trustworthy but never trust. Be cracked but never open"
A college student
You do all you can to keep moving. And to not go crazy. You do all you can to stay above water and not drown in your school work. But I guess only a few of us are feeling that right now.
"Lie to yourself until its true"
"Lie to yourself until its true"
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Oh Boy
I don't even want to think about the future. You know how people all have this exciting event in their future, well I'm tired of living like that. I want to live day to day, making sure that each day has some brightness to it. It could always be worse. I want to live moment to moment, not event to event. Life should not be all about highs and lows, even though it is, but everything happens for a reason. There is always darkness before the storm clears. I shouldn't want to die, people shouldn't want to die. People drink and smoke and do drugs and just do reckless things, in the hope that it will lead to their demise. I understand things are bad, but there is always a person out there that has it worse off than you. And instead of trying to end life, we should embrace it and try to make the most of every situation.
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst"
Therefore, I am going to try to no longer be sad or upset or worried. Key word try. I want to live day to day as if it were my last, and never look back. I want to have no regrets anymore. I know all of this is bullshit, but we'll see, lol. I want to live life to the fullest and take every situation with a level head and a strong heart. I just might try to get off of my anti-depressants. You say that I don't need them and that I should be happy. How can someone tell you to not be depressed when they're the reason you are depressed. Their the reason that you've wanted to die for so long, They know their the reason, but you don't want to point out the obvious, because you will only be told to shut up and that your wrong. Oh boy, now i'm just being nostalgic, without the desire to return to those damn memories. I feel so alive and stable for once, lets see how long this lasts.
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst"
Therefore, I am going to try to no longer be sad or upset or worried. Key word try. I want to live day to day as if it were my last, and never look back. I want to have no regrets anymore. I know all of this is bullshit, but we'll see, lol. I want to live life to the fullest and take every situation with a level head and a strong heart. I just might try to get off of my anti-depressants. You say that I don't need them and that I should be happy. How can someone tell you to not be depressed when they're the reason you are depressed. Their the reason that you've wanted to die for so long, They know their the reason, but you don't want to point out the obvious, because you will only be told to shut up and that your wrong. Oh boy, now i'm just being nostalgic, without the desire to return to those damn memories. I feel so alive and stable for once, lets see how long this lasts.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
????
They can't be who I want them to be. Confusion is setting in. Why do things have to be this way, I guess since it's nighttime my thoughts are clouded and not well put together. Hopefully things will begin to clear up once the sun comes out. I wish I had someone to talk to that could understand the way I think, but I don't think anyone does. I don't even think I understand the way I think. I just want one person, to look at me and see what I feel. Just one person that can see through the facade that I hide all of my problems and worries behind. Just one person who I know I can always trust and call when i'm not well. Just one person who can see me for who I am and say that i'm perfect in all of my imperfections. And they won't try to change me from what I am, because I am who I am. I only want them to understand and appreciate what they have in me. I know I'm not perfect, but I love myself. At least I think I do. You get told what is wrong with you so many times that you begin to believe it, and you can no longer cry when it hurts, because it's the same old story every time, with the same ending. So what's the use in crying, it doesn't solve anything, and I already know how the story begins and how it ends. There's no point in trying to change it, its all part of the cycle. Maybe someday I can break the cycle, just long enough to free myself from it. God one can only hope. I need a guardian angel. Anyone up for the job????
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
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