"So sleep child no one can touch you now. No one can hurt you now. Not here. Anymore."

Since when is saying how much room is in my pants, considered an option to say lets have sex.  Ugh!!!! They all piss me off.  I just want to shut myself up in my room and throw things.  He pisses me off so much and so does she.  And then of course I'm the one that gets to be embarrased infront of my boyfriend, who in turn laughs at steves stupid joke. Oye. Whatever, let them be retarded together.

So last night was very interesting.  Josh proceeded to tell me how I had broken his heart and how he was just a shell of himself and all this stuff.  And throughout the whole thing I start to cry, because i feel so horrible for how I treated him.  Nevermind the fact that he treated me like shit and I hated my very existence for almost three years.  Why do I have to be such a compassionate person???  It bothers me that I am so weak.  I'm just asking someone to rip the ground out from under me.  Even though I think I'm weak, I'm nothing compared to Emily.  She allows herself to be led around.  She's the little lamb that the wolf lures into the woods.  She can't think for herself.  I thought I was bad, but she is so easily manipulated.  I guess I could say that I used to be that way.  I would do anything just to end the madness.  I would have killed myself just for the pain and manipulation and fighting to stop.  I hate who I was, I hate who he made me, I hate him.  I nearly killed me.  I was a hairs breadth away from pulling the trigger and ending the nightmare.  But I dodged that bullet, no pun intended.  From this day forward, I promise to myself that I will never ever allow someone to manipulate me again.  I will never give someone the satisfaction of watching my heart break into a million pieces, just so they can watch me fall apart.  I will never be that girl again.  I'm better than that.